Update about me and my current situation

I did not want to include the information below with my day to day progress on lexapro. I do not want to mix my personal problems with my Lexapro experiences, since the point of this blog is to share my experiences with Lexapro, especially the side effects, and not turn this blog into me venting about my depression. With that said, I believe it is important to make notes where I feel I have made break throughs or changes with my depression so people can understand where I am coming from:

I think I have also found the source for my depression. Now its not like I have had a break through, because I have realized this for a while. The more doctors and the more friends I talk to the more obvious it becomes. I like being surrounded by people. I get my energy from working with and interacting with people. I do not get this with my current job or my current living situation.

In college, I was always stimulated by the large amounts of people I lived with / near. I always had something I could do and always had someone to do it with. Studying, projects, eating, going out, out door activities, working out, etc. I would have to purposely close my door when I wanted to be by myself. Now, I am living the exact opposite.

At work, most people are traveling or working from home. If I go in, its me and my office mate and we are lucky if one other person in our hall comes in that day. I am one of the first ones in (around 9 am) and I turn on all the lights in the kitchen and in my hall. My office mate comes in around 11 - noon. My company is very flexible with hours and working conditions, so I can also work from home. When I do that, I am by myself because my roommates also have 9 - 5 jobs.

I use to come home and go straight to the gym, by myself. Almost everyone at this gym speaks Spanish, so I am even more alone there. I didn't think I would mind this, since I am the type of guy that likes to get into the gym quick and be done with it. I use to go to the gym by myself at school and in my parents town and it was fine. However, I always knew people at these gyms. So though I was going by myself, I usually would run into people and still say hello.

At home, one of my roommates is gone before I get up and the other leaves around the same time as me, but we barely see each other. He is in shower when I am in the kitchen and vise-verse. In the evenings, one of my roommates stays in his room all the time while the other sits on the couch and is on his computer the entire time. We talk, but its small pointless talk. Its not like these roommates are strangers; they are friends / roommates from college. I just always had other people around that I never noticed how weird their social habits are. My other friends that did not go to college with me, think my current roommates are like hermits and again, I never noticed this because I always had other people around.

I told my therapist all this and she believes its time for me to quit my job. My family has been telling me this for a while, but its easier said than done. I am very anxious about telling my bosses I am quiting since they have been so good to me. At the same time, I tell myself I would quit in a heart beat if I had health insurance to last me between job transitions. I am also anxious about doing the interview process all over again and afraid of finding a new job and realizing the job is not the source of my problem.